and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
