...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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