smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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