eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize