just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
P.S. I can't hear my feet
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
