So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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