thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
