My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
