How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
