Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
