Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
