remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
