chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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