I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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