someone get that fucking seahorse.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
