I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
