I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
