I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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