i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
