Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
