she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
