The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
