I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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