i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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