apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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