3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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