i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
