With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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