she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My vagina is officially offended.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
