I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
