I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
