I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
