Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
