It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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