1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
