8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
