I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
