Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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