i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
