I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
