i already hear my dad disowning me
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
