I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
