it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
tonight lets celebrate not being married
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
