ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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