my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize