are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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