Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
