I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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