where am i from again
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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