Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
