Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
