Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My first STD was from a foam party
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
