he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
