Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
