glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize