the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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