"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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