it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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