There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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