Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
