I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
