I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
