Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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