I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So vagazzling was a success
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
