She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
