Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
im six kinds of drunk right now
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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