Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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