I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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